Rand Hobart's Random Homilies » jokes http://blog.randhobart.org.uk Between outraged ranting and mediocre mundanity is the time I'm allowed... Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:16:07 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Horse Whisperer… http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2010/01/07/horse-whisperer/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2010/01/07/horse-whisperer/#comments Thu, 07 Jan 2010 10:18:03 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=6638 … whispers sweet nothings;

Warrant out for horse sex accused

An arrest warrant has been issued for a Leicester man accused of having sex with a horse and a donkey, after he failed to turn up to court.

Joseph Squires, of Overpark Avenue, is charged with a serious sexual offence against a donkey between February [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2010/01/07/horse-whisperer/feed/ 0 A Short Fairy Tale… http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/08/19/a-short-fairy-tale/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/08/19/a-short-fairy-tale/#comments Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:38:23 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=5343 Once upon a time there was a handsome prince who one day asked a girl, “Will you marry me?”

The girl said, “NO!”

And the handsome prince lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles, went fishing & hunting, played golf a lot, drank beer & scotch, had tons of money in the bank, left the toilet [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/08/19/a-short-fairy-tale/feed/ 0 God Grants A Wish http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/23/god-grants-a-wish/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/23/god-grants-a-wish/#comments Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:59:09 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=4827 A guy was riding his motorcycle along the A259 between Bexhill and St Leonards on the English South coast, when suddenly the clouded sky above his head parted and a booming voice said. “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in many ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The chap pulled over, [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/23/god-grants-a-wish/feed/ 0 A Charity Pantomime… http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/15/a-charity-pantomime/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/15/a-charity-pantomime/#comments Wed, 15 Jul 2009 10:04:04 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=4375 …  in aid of paranoid schizophrenics and homosexuals, descended into chaos yesterday when someone shouted, “he’s behind you!” …

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/15/a-charity-pantomime/feed/ 0 Clever ‘Eastern European’ Scam http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/13/clever-eastern-european-scam/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/13/clever-eastern-european-scam/#comments Mon, 13 Jul 2009 15:39:43 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=4354 Over the last month I became the victim of a clever ‘Eastern European’ scam while out shopping.

Simply dropping into my local Tesco in Blackpool for a bit of shopping has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you, or your friends.

Here’s how the scam [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/13/clever-eastern-european-scam/feed/ 0 Pun-Tastic! http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/12/pun-tastic/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/12/pun-tastic/#comments Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:35:01 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=4351 If, like me, you enjoy language, particularly the idiosyncrasies of English, then you’ll probably appreciate these;

* Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

* A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

* Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

* Practice safe eating – always [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/07/12/pun-tastic/feed/ 0 Frankie Boyle’s Rejected Daily Record Column… http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/06/28/frankie-boyles-rejected-daily-record-column/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/06/28/frankie-boyles-rejected-daily-record-column/#comments Sun, 28 Jun 2009 17:53:41 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=4132 So the Michael Jackson roller coaster has stopped. Looks like he got enough.

Apparently he died after walking into a pub in Paisley and saying “Do you wanna be starting something?” We can all learn something from Michael’s life. For example, it looks like oxygen tents are a big waste of money.

Why did no [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/06/28/frankie-boyles-rejected-daily-record-column/feed/ 0 ‘Jack Frost’ in Hot Water http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/03/26/jack-frost-in-hot-water/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/03/26/jack-frost-in-hot-water/#comments Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:08:47 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=2945 Yet more nonsense;

Jason ‘sorry’ for Pakistani joke

Actor Sir David Jason has apologised for a joke he made about Pakistanis on Tuesday morning on national radio.

Speaking on Christian O’Connell’s Absolute Radio show the day after the joke was broadcast, the star said it was a “silly little play on words”.

He added: “It [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/03/26/jack-frost-in-hot-water/feed/ 0 Cheese-eating Surrender Monkeys http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/03/13/cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/03/13/cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys/#comments Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:13:45 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=2546 I’m not a fan of the Daily Wail and I certainly wouldn’t snaffle an entire piece (other than to rip it to shreds), but this piece tickled me… with the final paragraph being quite apposite:

As France rejoins NATO, a humorous reminder of why we never missed them

With typical flamboyance [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/03/13/cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys/feed/ 0 @stephenfry Suspected of Being Cult Leader http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/03/10/stephenfry-suspected-of-being-cult-leader/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/03/10/stephenfry-suspected-of-being-cult-leader/#comments Tue, 10 Mar 2009 18:41:56 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=2412 Police have put an arrest warrant out for @stephenfry as government officials have declared his Twitter following to be officially a cult.

PC Plod said today:

“The government science man involved gave us the following guidelines for identifying cults. We read this, looked some words up in the dictionary and then acted. Or maybe we [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/03/10/stephenfry-suspected-of-being-cult-leader/feed/ 0 ShamWOW http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/02/19/shamwow/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/02/19/shamwow/#comments Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:27:11 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=1250 Love the piss take…

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/02/19/shamwow/feed/ 0 Well, it made me laugh… http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/02/12/well-it-made-me-laugh/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/02/12/well-it-made-me-laugh/#comments Thu, 12 Feb 2009 20:16:22 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=947 A joke I heard many years ago, perhaps on The Comedians. Anyhoo, as happens on a regular basis a joke (singular) was posted on the AP forum from which one of two things generally happens; either it triggers a wave of puns which get progressively contrived or, a rash of similarly themed jokes.

This was my contribution… 

… [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2009/02/12/well-it-made-me-laugh/feed/ 0 100 Funniest Jokes… http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2005/09/02/100-funniest-jokes/ http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2005/09/02/100-funniest-jokes/#comments Fri, 02 Sep 2005 13:20:39 +0000 RandHobart http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/?p=383 These are, allegedly, the 100 funniest jokes of all time;

1 Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. “I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him [...] Related posts:

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]]> http://blog.randhobart.org.uk/2005/09/02/100-funniest-jokes/feed/ 0