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Horse Whisperer…

… whispers sweet nothings;

Warrant out for horse sex accused

An arrest warrant has been issued for a Leicester man accused of having sex with a horse and a donkey, after he failed to turn up to court.

Joseph Squires, of Overpark Avenue, is charged with a serious sexual offence against a donkey between February and April 1999 and a horse in March 2004.

He is also accused of criminal damage to the animals during the same dates.

The 66-year-old was due to appear at Leicester Crown Court earlier for a plea and case management hearing.

Mr Squires did not attend court and it was heard he had lost touch with his solicitors.

Judge Michael Pert QC issued a bench warrant for his arrest.

BBC News

And a comment elsewhere; Continue reading this item…

A Short Fairy Tale…

Once upon a time there was a handsome prince who one day asked a girl, “Will you marry me?”

The girl said, “NO!”

And the handsome prince lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles, went fishing & hunting, played golf a lot, drank beer & scotch, had tons of money in the bank, left the toilet seat up, picked [...]

God Grants A Wish

Monty Python's GodA guy was riding his motorcycle along the A259 between Bexhill and St Leonards on the English South coast, when suddenly the clouded sky above his head parted and a booming voice said. “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in many ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The chap pulled over, thought about it, and said, “Well, erm, God, how about you build a bridge between here and Brittany so I can ride over any time I want!”

The Big Fella said: “Your request is somewhat materialistic, I mean think of the enormous challenge for that kind of undertaking; the foundations, the supports required reaching the bottom of the channel, and the concrete and steel it would take, not to mention the man hours required for such a feat! The materials would probably exhaust several natural resources. Continue reading this item…

A Charity Pantomime…

…  in aid of paranoid schizophrenics and homosexuals, descended into chaos yesterday when someone shouted, “he’s behind you!” … [...]

Clever ‘Eastern European’ Scam

Over the last month I became the victim of a clever ‘Eastern European’ scam while out shopping.

Simply dropping into my local Tesco in Blackpool for a bit of shopping has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you, or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works: Continue reading this item…

Pun-Tastic!

If, like me, you enjoy language, particularly the idiosyncrasies of English, then you’ll probably appreciate these;

* Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

* A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

* Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

* Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

* Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. Continue reading this item…

Frankie Boyle’s Rejected Daily Record Column…

Frankie BoyleSo the Michael Jackson roller coaster has stopped. Looks like he got enough.

Apparently he died after walking into a pub in Paisley and saying “Do you wanna be starting something?” We can all learn something from Michael’s life. For example, it looks like oxygen tents are a big waste of money. Continue reading this item…

‘Jack Frost’ in Hot Water

Yet more nonsense;

Jason ‘sorry’ for Pakistani joke

Sir David JasonActor Sir David Jason has apologised for a joke he made about Pakistanis on Tuesday morning on national radio.

Speaking on Christian O’Connell’s Absolute Radio show the day after the joke was broadcast, the star said it was a “silly little play on words”.

He added: “It seems that someone has taken offence or someone is upset by it and for that of course I’m sorry.” Continue reading this item…

Cheese-eating Surrender Monkeys

I’m not a fan of the Daily Wail and I certainly wouldn’t snaffle an entire piece (other than to rip it to shreds), but this piece tickled me… with the final paragraph being quite apposite: :D

Warning: French

As France rejoins NATO, a humorous reminder of why we never missed them

With typical flamboyance and fanfare, French President Nicolas Sarkozy this week announced that France is to rejoin Nato’s military command after 40 years of self-imposed exile.

It was in 1966 that President Charles de Gaulle pulled out of the heart of the Nato alliance, claiming that belonging to the Nato military command undermined French independence and sovereignty. Continue reading this item…

@stephenfry Suspected of Being Cult Leader

Stephen Fry CaricaturePolice have put an arrest warrant out for @stephenfry as government officials have declared his Twitter following to be officially a cult.

PC Plod said today:

“The government science man involved gave us the following guidelines for identifying cults. We read this, looked some words up in the dictionary and then acted. Or maybe we acted first and then read this? I can’t remember. Anyway, it states: Continue reading this item…